Recent events have given me cause to review how I got here.
I have spent my entire adult making sure the people I am responsible for are well taken care of. I was a single mom, so it was utmost to me that my son was safe, healthy, and prepared for his adult life. But at the same time, I was responsible for the safekeeping and care of my elderly parents.
I was moving along at work, and as people reported to me, I took it as my personable responsibility to make sure my direct reports were well trained, received the appropriate education and were well-paid. I represented them in all things corporate.
I made sure I took care of everyone. While at the same time I got my Masters Degree.
I made sure my clients at Deere had their needs met. Along with that came budget, personal development needs for my direct reports, as well as meeting the needs for the company.
Then came the time when my health began to fail, and Deere didn't want me anymore. So I was forced to retire.
I was then alone... no one to take care of... no responsibilities. Simply ALONE. It was a place I'd never been in before. I was not prepared to live in this space. Was no sure how to deal with it.
My health issues inhibited me from moving into another responsible position.
This has been a struggle for me. It seems all of my "big girl strength" had been used up. What did I have left?
My answer, I am still struggling with it.